We were somewhere outside Goffs, on the Park & Ride to Punchestown Racecourse, when the Budweiser began to kick in. And there were magpies everywhere, black and white harpies swooping through the air in twos and threes and solitary figures trying to rain down bad luck on me. There'd be enough raining down on me this day without those blasted birds tripping me up at every corner.

( This way lies craziness. )

I wrote this last night, when the pain was still fresh in my memory...

Before I go into my rant on the cinematic stillbirth that is the live action adaptation of Blood: The Last Vampire, I should warn you that there will be many spoilers. So if you're intent on seeing this God awful movie, you should stop reading now.
( More behind the cut )

"Art Is Hard," my tragically-titled documentary about student film makers, is now up on Youtube. I had to break it into two parts so that it would upload.

( Both parts are hidden behind the cut. )

Any feedback would be much appreciated. I just realised that the sound is out of sync, so it looks like I'm going to have to upload the videos again.

You may already be aware of my fascination with Debbie Schlussel. You'll be interested to know that my opinion of Debbie has changed dramatically over the last few days. I would like to share with you this e-mail that I sent her only minutes ago, thanking her for all of the hard work she is doing.

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Hi Debbie!

You probably don't remember me - I e-mailed you a couple of months back in regards to your review of Watchmen. At one point I called you "a desperate huckster incapable of rational thought," but I wanted you to know that my opinion of you has changed dramatically since then.

You see, I was certain that no one could be as prejudiced against all races as you seem to be, and I was right. I see now that you are not a hard right zealot but rather a satirical genius, developing a new and exciting form of comedy - an Andy Kaufman for a modern age, if you will. You go beyond the simple posturing of, say, Stephen Colbert, tightly embracing the persona of the conservative blogger.

I admit to wondering at times if perhaps you've taken the character to a point of absurdity that no one could fully believe, like in your review of Terminator Salvation when you drew parallels between Arabs and Skynet. But then I realised that's exactly what a conservative blogger would do! Finding evidence to support their world view in absolutely everything they come across is a common trait!

Your skill puts most mainstream comedy writers to shame. Other people would have baulked at the idea of nicknaming Sonia Sotomayor "So-So," referencing a media star who hasn't been relevant since 2006. But your knowledge of how the conservative mind works, distinctly unaware of changes in modern society and culture, means that you weren't caught out!

Do you know many conservatives? Your expertise in how they think is incredible. Also, it's remarkable that you've managed to convince so many xenophobic right wingers to sign up to your site and comment with all the vitriol they can produce. It's the sign of any good comedy, peeling back the thin veneer of respectability to reveal the dark thoughts that sadly permeate through so many minds.

Anyway, keep up the good work. Your articles are far funnier than anything more popular satirical sites like The Onion could ever hope to produce, and I am in no doubt that your genius will be recognised by your comedy peers and the general public for years to come.

Take care

[theycallmeboy]

+++++

If you would like to share your love of her satirical columns you can e-mail Debbie at writedebbie@gmail.com. She tries to read every e-mail personally, so let her know!

I keep meaning to write longer posts on LJ but... meh.

Anyway, wanted to share this video I posted on Youtube. "Hurleyman: A Dark Day for the GAA" was the first short I made in college. A spoof on the slasher subgenre with an Irish theme, we shot it in three hours (and it shows.) It was definitely the most fun I've had making a film yet, and hopefully you guys will enjoy it.

If you've read kiji_kat's blog entry you'll already know the bad news. But for those of you who haven't, and who haven't received a text from me yet, I'll repeat it here.

Last night I decided to check my e-mails. No real reason (I rarely check my e-mails more than once or twice a day); I figured I might see if Telemedia had sent me anything to let me know about my flight to Budapest next Wednesday.

Well, I got an e-mail from Telemedia, but not the one I was expecting. Tibor in HR wrote a short note to let me know that due to "changes in business" they would no longer be able to recruit me. So, almost as quickly as I received the job offer in Budapest, it's been taken away.

Naturally, I'm feeling pretty disappointed. I was gearing myself up for a big move, as much as a year in Hungary working on this TV show. But it seems like it isn't to be. Things are really confusing, though. Sinéad, an acquaintance I told about the job and who decided to apply for a position herself, is apparently still going to Budapest on Monday.

I can only assume that the offer was retracted due to budgetary constraints, someone more qualified coming along, or the fact that I said I'd need another week to get my things in order. Somehow it went from them needing me to fly out this week (yeah, just drop everything and go to Budapest) to not needing me at all.

I'm going to call Tibor tomorrow and try to get a straight answer about all this. He may turn around and say I've got the job again. If he does, I'd be conflicted. I want to work, and I want to work in a production job, but I don't want to work for a company that has me running around like this. Telemedia apparently produce over 100 hours of programming every day; if this is the case, how can they be this disorganised? What kind of successful production company hires people literally a week before the show is due to begin broadcasting? The guys at Squid Media spent months prepping for a five minute short, yet Telemedia were only putting the crew and presenters together this week.

Fortunately I hadn't done anything too drastic before I got the e-mail. My internet connection is still active, the standing order for my rent is still in place, and my stuff remains unpacked. It may very well be unpacked for some time to come, because even if Telemedia wanted me it would still be Wednesday before I can leave - maybe even later, now that today has been a bust.

Actually, that's not true - today has been pretty productive. I applied for one job online (an associate editor gig for a website) and dropped my CV into a recruitment firm that's hiring people for a research company called Red C. The latter job may not be where I want to be, but it's a paying job, and I'd appreciate anything that gets me off the dole and allows me to spend more of my energy writing and hunting down production gigs. That you can choose your hours on the Red C job would be a plus.

This is the long and short of it - I will not sit around feeling sorry for myself. There's too much to do to waste precious time and energy on crying over a call-in game show. The only thing that really hurts is how upset kiji_kat has been. I don't like seeing my girl down, and since I told her last night, that's how she's been. But while one door closes, another opens - and if it doesn't, I'll just kick it down.

I'm going to apply for more jobs in the States. That's where I want to be, anyway; Hungary's the wrong direction! I was putting it off because I figured in this economy there'd be a million other people in the USA applying for the same job. But I always tell people if you never try, you'll never know. Well, I'm going to try. I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing, because I'll be damned if I let a Hungarian named Tibor get me down.

No, really, I do. Her stuff is funnier than The Onion sometimes. She's got this blinkered view of society that not even Michelle Malkin could match (someone Debbie apparently dislikes, which I also find hilarious.)

Yesterday Debbie posted this opinion piece on her website (let's be honest, they're all opinion pieces.) She copied and pasted a news report about how Chrysler had asked the federal government for $134 million to spend on advertising during the nine weeks it expects to be in bankruptcy. The government gave it half that, which is what pisses Debbie off.

So let me get this straight - the government give Chrysler $67 million of taxpayers' money to spend on advertising cars no one can afford to buy... and Debbie's annoyed because they didn't give Chrysler more?

This is conservatism in 2009. No wonder the Democrats are so relaxed. You may remember Debbie's ridiculous rants about Watchmen and how she declared again and again that it was being marketed to kids, even though the facts (damn those cursed things!) repeatedly said otherwise. I e-mailed her about her shoddy review of the movie and the apparent total lack of research she did into the film and its source material. She wrote back and, in a way only she can, told me that as a film critic it wasn't her job to research things like that.

This probably explains why we don't see more of Debbie's work outside of her own website and the few nutjob conservative publications that will print her uneducated tantrums.

But what I love even more than Debbie's writing? The comments. Some of my favourites from this particular piece:


"If Chrysler can't spend enough to sell their cars, they will go into a real bankruptcy and everything being done now will be both a waste of time and money.

How much is enough? I don't know. However, the marketing people working for Chrysler probably do know, and I cannot think of any incentive for them to want to spend too much."
- i_am_me

"Thanks for nothing you idiots that now pray five times a day, facing Washington. Incredible, how in a a few short months, this illegal alien from Kenya has been allowed to destroyed America. PIST!"
- Jackson Pearson

"Amen, Jackson Pearson. A MUSLIM illegal alien from Kenya."
- lexi

"Maybe Obama wants us to fail. So he can incorporate his vision of what America needs to be. I really believe the man is delusional and hasn't a clue what he's doing."
- Tenn Scholar


Yeah, Tenn, I'd say someone's delusional...

I used to blog on a pretty regular basis, but according to Livejournal I haven't posted anything in over a month. Thanks to a nudge from kiji_kat I was finally reminded to post something, since I must obviously have some kind of news after a month.

The truth is, up until last Friday I didn't have much news at all. My days followed the same pattern: Wii Fit (oh, I bought a Wii) followed by job hunting followed by screenwriting. That's pretty much been it for the last five months, to be honest. I suppose I could have blogged about taking part in the NYC Midnight Screenwriting Contest, but I guess I'd already mentioned it on Twitter and couldn't be fussed to type more than 140 characters about it.

That's another thing I've done more often - Tweeting. I'm a pretty sporadic user of Twiter, though - I might post four or five times one day, then none at all the next. It's pretty much the same way I approach Myspace and Livejournal, but since I don't have to justify typing long streams of ranting every time I want to post about a cool video I saw on Youtube I suppose it just seems handier. (If you want to follow my random Tweets, my username is theycallmeboy.)

Speaking of Youtube, I finally, finally posted a brand new video. It's a tribute to Yor, The Hunter From The Future, one of the most brilliantly awful movies in cinema history, starring "Big MacLargehuge" himself, Reb Brown. The soundtrack is "Now You're A Man" by D.V.D.A., the only song manly enough to play as Reb has badly choreographed fights with purple cavemen. Watch it here in glorious HD!
( Because what you want to see is really badly aged footage fromt he 1970s in high definition. )
Well, on Friday I got the biggest news of all. I've been offered a job to work on a live television show broadcasting out of Budapest, Hungary!

The company is called Telemedia. You know when you come home from the pub at two o'clock in the morning, you switch on the TV, and there's this weird call-in game show where people answer stupidly simple questions for cash prizes? Telemedia do all those shows. Now they're putting together a programme for the Irish market, and they're organising an Irish crew to shoot it. The job title is "Editor" but it's really more of a producer/director role (it's kind of hard to cut live footage, you know?)

Seriously, you guys, this job is awesome. The pay is €800 a month, but since white collar workers in Hungary make on average €700 a month, I'd say I'm doing pretty good. But here's the awesome thing - Telemedia pay for everything. They buy the plane ticket to Budapest, they set you up in accommodation, they pay your rent and your utility bills, they give you a monthly travel pass for trains and buses, they pay for a return ticket to Ireland every six months and they even pay for your lunch six days a week. I am going to save up a ton of money, which I will then blow on cheap CDs!

Right now Hungary's currency is the Forint, but next year they switch to the Euro, which removes that headache. Plus, everybody tells me Budapest is gorgeous, so I know the city will blow my mind. I have heard two stories from acquaintances that didn't paint the city in such a good light - one guy's brother was punch by a Russian mobster once, and another friend can't go back to Budapest because of something that happened in a strip joint. But I figure if I stay out of the black market and any houses of ill repute, I should be fine.

Truth be told, I'm feeling both excited and scared shitless in equal measure. I plan to go over there for a year, which will be the longest I've ever lived outside of Ireland. I don't know anyone in Budapest, nor do I know the language. But I've been doing my best putting everything in perspective. When I went to the USA in 2006, I didn't really know anyone. I had a job in Wildwood, New Jersey, but I had no idea how I was going to get there or where I was going to live. Things worked out, though, and I came out of that experience a stronger person. Hungary is half the distance from Ireland and a hell of a lot easier to reach. If I find, six months from now, that I don't like Budapest, I can always get out of there easily.

I reckon I will enjoy it, though. It seems to be quite a city on the move, with a young population. I'll be going over there to work with other Irish people, and I'll meet people from lots of other countries there, too. I know a couple of people that I spoke to about it, and they're looking into applying for a job. It'd be cool if they were to get an offer, as it would mean a few friendly faces that I could look to if things got tough. And on top of all that, staying in touch with friends and family won't be difficult at all. It'll just mean updating my blog more often, for one thing.

They want me to go as soon as possible. I managed to convince them to hold off for a week, so I can get things in order here. I have a lot to sort out before I go jetting off to Hungary. But I am going, that much I know. If you'd told me last month that I would eventually get a job in production, but it would be in Budapest, I probably wouldn't have believed you. Hell, I applied for the job never thinking I'd hear anything about it. But it's happening; I'm going to be another ex-pat working abroad. Expect the first issue of my personal zine "I'm A Hungary Man" some time later in the Summer.

Oh, and Green Day's new album is out on Friday! Man, this week's been pretty awesome!

Well, that was underwhelming.

I stayed up until way past a decent time watching "The Granddaddy Of Them All" and overall it was... all right. It wasn't mind blowing, but it was an OK show. Which would be fine, if this hadn't been WRESTLEMANIA FUCKING TWENTY-FIVE.

I didn't even realise WM25 was on last night until about two hours before it aired - that's how little I cared. Oh, I knew there would be some great matches, but there was nothing on the show that caught me or made me really, really want to see it. I'm just happy I didn't pay to see this thing.

Here's a match by match rundown:( Cut due to spoilers and because most of you guys don't care about wrestling, anyway. )

Yeah, a quarter century on this rock now. I'm heading out this evening to see a gig with a couple of friends, one of whom I haven't seen in ages. I'll probably have more to write tomorrow, in that case.

I guess this is the point where you stop calling yourself a kid and actually start thinking about future stuff. Technically I'm closer to thirty than to twenty now. In another couple of years all the coming of age movies will be set in the Eighties instead of the Seventies - how scary is that? Still, at least it'll remind us that not all Eighties music sucked.

I bought myself a Wii this week. I'd been meaning to do it for months, and I suppose I thought, "Hey, personal birthday present." It'll be a while before I make any more big purchases, but that's cool - Wii Sports raises quite a sweat. I'm a little perturbed that according to the Wii fitness test I've aged forty-one years in two days. Guess I should stretch more before playing.

Damn, how crazy is it that you know have to warm up before playing a game? I remember when computer games came on cassette tapes!

Jesus, I am getting older. Oh well, it was bound to happen.

Good day to you all. I gotta go shave a week's worth of facial hair.

A full review of Watchmen will come later, but for now I just wanted to mention that I was watching this week's epsiode of Beyond the Trailer when I saw this comment:



Is... is that a fail?

Glommed from puffdoggydaddy

INSTRUCTIONS

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
(Be sure to credit whoever you stole the photo from)

4. Assemble.
+++++

"Hello, Cleveland! We are Kozloduy Island!"

Be sure to pick up our upcoming debut album, "You've Got It Made."


With thanks to Sommer Breeze.

With less than a week to go before the worldwide premiere of Watchmen, and since I haven't posted a blog in a month, I present to you Watchmen-related items aplenty.

( Cut for large pictures and a few spoilers. )

Now that I finally have some time to blog, I'm going to take a little time to take a gander at this year's nominees. As per usual, the Academy has courted a little controversy, and not without reason.
( Cut to save your Friends page )

I came across this while scanning the front page of Film School Rejects. Joe Nicolosi had discovered that his friend Amanda had never seen the original Star Wars movies, and had no desire to see them because she "already knew what happened." So Joe asked her to recite the plot and animated her narration. I thought this was pretty funny, and hopefully it'll give you a chuckle too.


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

In the half-awake, half-asleep no man's land of the early morning, I saw my girl lying next to me. I could feel her arms wrapped around me and mine around hers.

"It's time to wake up," she said.

"I don't want to," I replied.

"Why?"

"Because as soon as I open my eyes, you're not gonna be here anymore."

"Oh, baby," she whispered, holding me tighter in an effort to comfort me.

I opened my eyes eventually. And just as I expected, she was gone.

Since her friends list is almost identical to mine, chances are you already know the good news, so I'll save you from the misleading cuts and just say YAY ENGAGEMENT!!!

Ahem.

Now I'm back in Dundalk (which I've always considered just another bullshit town, a view I'm gradually stretching to the entire nation.) I spent most of the morning feeling like I'd been gutted with a rusty screwdriver and thinking about how I really, really don't want to be here anymore, but I'm not going to let it drag me down. I have too many things to do. I've got a video production job that's gonna pay a nice amount, and I've already started applying for other work. Plus, I want to get healthy again (or at least the closest thing I can get to healthy.) Now that the Christmas season is over and the time for overindulgence is at an end, it makes perfect sense to start working out more. Incidentally, if anyone can suggest good, simple exercises that I can do around the house and that won't impact the creaky hinges I call knees, I'd be very grateful.

But most of all, I've got a fiancé now, and I'm not going to stop until we're together properly, permanently. Every time I leave I can see her heart breaking and it feels like my body is being ripped in two. I hate to see my girl in such pain, and I won't be satisfied until I know she never has to feel that pain again.

So last week we got the phone call that we had been expecting for about a month - Release's Dundalk office will be closing, due to the numbers being too small. We needed 75 kids for the January-April sessions, and we didn't get them. There's a possibility that maybe there will be an office in Drogheda, but that's not going to be soon. I could commute to Drogheda easily, but I wouldn't be able to get down to our Dublin offices without moving down there, and I can't afford to do that. I need to start looking for a job.

I took it pretty well until about Saturday, when the weight of the last couple of months finally came down around my shoulders. The long and short of it is that my attitude over the weekend didn't help kiji_kat. Now my girl is worried about me and thinks that I see her as a disappointment or a bad girlfriend. She's neither, of course, but I still feel like an asshole for making her feel like that. I suppose that's justified - I acted like a dick.

I'm going to look on the bright side - I'm being hired to make a few videos for Release, and the money will keep me going for a good couple of months. I have an opportunity to increase my portfolio of work and look for more film opportunities. And if Release does open an office in Drogheda, I'm pretty much guaranteed a job.

But I still made my girl feel crap, and there's no bright side to that.

I am 53% Psychic

I can accurately predict whether someone: has played pinball likes hot weather likes chocolate I cannot tell whether someone: is good at drawing speaks more than one language is quiet

See what my psychic predicted for me! Take the quiz and get predictions at Spacefem.com